Right, back on a computer now (rather than phone!).
Fortunately, the car's right at the end of my drive (rather than in the centre lane of the motorway). Unfortunately, it's blocking the road (rather than having driven another 10 feet further when all would be fine!)
It's totally and utterly dead. By repeated pressing of "start", I can occasionally get the screen to flicker into life - sometimes along with random other lights. However, it rapidly disappears and I'm left with black everything again. Pushing doesn't work - it seems to be locked.
I'm wondering if the 12v battery is dead (does it have a 12v?) so cobbled together a lot of extension cables and managed to reach the car with the 240 v 3 pin charger. However, I can't open the flap!!! Eventually found blue tabs which I think are a manual override - but can't get them to release the flap - pulled really hard but nothing's happening and blue plastic is threatening to break.
So, here I am waiting for the flat bed truck.
This is all so annoying. Mrs SS was driving and had just reached the point of having confidence in the newfangled car and was absolutely loving driving it. I'm doubting she'll ever get confidence back - she's distinctly unimpressed.